Connections

All we as people want to do is to be loved, feel special. One way to feel special is to connect with one another. I was doing some extensive writing tonight and I came across this thought as I pondered my connections with family and friends.

To connect with someone for me means taking an active, listening interest into what a person is talking or writing about. Like this note for example. Also for instance, if a sportswriter writes about Brett Favre and his retiring drama, says Brett is a diva. You can connect to that person, make that relationship, actively listen to his or her point of view and then make a counterpoint or just listen. Just listening can connect you to another. It's a great thing to just listen. We have 2 ears and 1 mouth, use them proportionately.

Taking this a step further, think about your relationships that you have today, at work, at the gym, on the courts or with your friends you hang out with. How actively are you listening? How do you connect with them? How much do you really know about them?

I personally got to thinking about this with my family and connecting to them as I was writing tonight. I thought of it this way. What topic could I introduce to 1 of them to where they would talk endlessly and passionately about that? I really didn't know that answer to be honest with 1 lone exception. It's not about their job, not about their favorite sports team or the like. It is about what they are passionate about, even if it is politics. I know that's a tough subject for some and it becomes emotional. However, I do see passion there. I would avoid that as it can get ugly. Hopefully you understand my point.

I bet as you read this, some of you know enough about me to know what subject will light me up like a Christmas tree. The point here is, I have that and I believe we all have that. This goes back to the active listening.

Years ago, I was a paper pusher at a bank in Omaha. We had a year end celebration dinner for the team that I worked on because we had a heavy workload that year and executive management wanted to thank us. Our senior leader, reporting to the board of the bank took us all out. Before this, he had one person go around and take pictures of the whole team, 1 by 1, but their names on the back (this was before digital technology). We got to the party and he knew us by name, talked to us personally and engaged us as team members. I never forgot that lesson. Indeed, he used advanced scouting but he took that information and memorized 20 or so names and faces. I catalogued that in the back of my brain as something I needed to do.

I leave you with this thought process as you see family and friends throughout the holidays find ways to actively listen to them and catalogue it somewhere important. After that dinner party, go home and write down a few tidbits about them on an index card. You will be surprised in the results this will get you. I could litter this note with names and tidbits I have collected over the years. My mental card catalogue my not be perfectly organized but trust me, I use it. I use it because I love making people feel special.

Modern day version of this as I use facebook and twitter, I notice things about people and catalogue them for later. I can tell you anecdotes about celebrities, my friends and others. I make the mental card catalogue to help myself. Social media can make you actively listen even more and make the catalog process easier I think.

Look inward and think about this:
What subject will light you up like a Christmas tree in a positive, emotional way?