Choices

It was 30 years ago almost to the day that I graduated from high school. I knew how critical that moment was. I was telling friends of mine that I loved them after we got our diplomas. I'm not sure why, but I just knew that I should tell them that. I can succinctly remember the area outside the "new gym", as we called it, all of us graduates (54 in my class) huddled around. Each dressed in our caps and gowns. Family members there wishing us luck. Lots of congratulations. I just knew then that I may not see those people for years. That turned out to be very true.

Did I know that I would make a choice of the hard route to college and a successful career in the Information Technology (IT) industry? I don't think so. I was so confused. I had a tug of war with trying to be close to my mom and yet not wanting to leave the nest that my dad and step mom built for us. I had that choice.

My 18 year old self did know the significance of the occasion. However, I had lots of older brothers and sisters (1 older sister, 3 older brothers, 1 step sister, 2 step brothers - yes we lived in 1 house at the time). Seeing them graduate and move I think prepared me for that moment in time. To this day, "pomp and circumstance" puts a lump in my throat as I harken back to that day.

I ponder all this as what would 48 year old Kelly say to 18 year Kelly at the graduation 30 years ago.

I made choices in life and I learned to accept the twists and turns to lead me to where I was in life. Including, making a choice to put in an application at the bank in Omaha for them to train me for programming. I remember the interviews and such. I don't remember asking anyone for advice however. I did it and 14 months of night school later, while keeping my job in very good standing, I had a real career. It wasn't a job, but a career. That day, December 5, 1988, changed my life. It was choice to pursue something better than a clerical career.

The choices I made to get me to that point? Two weeks before I was off to Iowa State to finish college, I fell in love. She was my first girlfriend. I was 19. I got to Iowa State, got put in temp housing. Could think of nothing but her. Day dreamed myself through classes and finally wrote her. Told her to come get me and I dropped out. Still a blur about how that worked but I did what I did. I had no job to go to. I had no car. I moved in with her. Worked two jobs with no car. Yes, I walked to work (5 miles). That choice moved me back to the bank (got my old desk job) and thus the career I have now. Our choices define us and lead us on paths where we may not know the destination.

That career and that bank led me to my marriage, which I have zero regrets with. That divorce choice led me to Houston where to be quite honest, I've never been happier. Did I know moving to Houston, I would be an executive producer of a film, actor, writer and have a very successful IT career? You can bet that I didn't know that.

You see, to tell 18 year old self about choices means you have to accept the choices. There are no wrong choices. Each is a twist and turn along the way to something that you can become. Years ago, working in Omaha, I got the pleasure to see Dr. Tom Osborne speak. He is the legendary college football coach of the University of Nebraska. He had won championships by then, much to my surprise. He talked about them in this way.

It's not about the destination, but about the journey.

As an executive producer of a short film, I now understand what Dr. Tom Osborne was talking about. It is a wonderful journey making films. I made that choice and that choice changed my life.

I could cite many choices in my life. My life coach, who taught me how to take care of myself and what that looks and feels like. My dad who taught me the valuable work ethic. He said, "no matter how good you think you are, there's always somebody better than you." My mom, taught me how to love unconditionally, without judgement or fault. I made choices to listen and to observe myself along this journey, not knowing the destination.

Those choices I made, Iowa State, being in love, programming school, divorce, I've learned from them all. They've all led me to this higher presence I have of my world. I am supposed to be right here, right now at this very moment writing about choices. My choices led me to this moment in time.

I would say this to my 18 year old self:

Research the choices and do your homework. However, don't worry too much as those choices, because if you believe in the journey, the choices will take care of themselves.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad