My World

I am not the typical guy. I am not afraid to express my emotions. I am not afraid to explore why I think and do what I do. I explore my actions, I explore my being to help become a better person. That to me is what the journey of life is about. The betterment of yourself in your own eyes. Be damned if it pleases anyone else.

I am the typical guy. I love sports. It is part of my culture. I've been watching, reading, participating in sports since I was a very young child. My first professional sports game in person was the Twins versus the Giants in the old Met Stadium in Minneapolis. It featured a home run derby between Willie "say hey" Mays and Harmon Killebrew. This all according to my mom. All I remember was how loud the planes were. The stadium was right by the airport. I also remember getting a mini-bat that a few years later my stepbrother broke. I have so many stories about my life that revolve around sports, so many recollections of youth that I could write about. So, you see, sports is a part of who I am.

We are all unique, yet I think this combination makes me a different kind of guy and I'm proud of that. I've seen and experienced various forms of sexual and emotional abuse as a child. Luckily for me, my coping mechanism for this was to be nice to people to keep them around. Fear of abandonment used to reign supreme in my life, but therapy and a lot of work has helped me with that. So as you can see, I'm not the typical guy.

We all have adversity in life. It's how you deal with it. Being the atypical guy, I chose to learn about myself, be introspective, read a lot and also to watch myself in front of others. Life is a journey and for me it's a journey to make myself a better person, allowing myself to be myself.

Hugh Prather said "Some people are going to like me and some people aren't, so I might as well be me. Then at least, I will know the people who like me, like me." That is what we strive for. That is what I strive for. I'm tired of my secrets and being afraid or judged by my past to hinder my future. It's a work in progress, but work that I am willing to take. Nothing is easy and I know this won't be.

As you can see my world as a man is multi-faceted with many layers. This is just


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Instant News

These days social media give us news up to the second. More often than not we read about it on twitter and then see it on Facebook. Then, most of us turn on CNN to see if it is real. This is the circle of how we get news these days, or at least how I get news these days. Twitter is my first stop for news.

That being said, our world has gotten infinitely smaller because of twitter and to some extent Facebook. We constantly hear bad news almost up to the second. I think as a society we need to think about how we digest this news and how fast. If we constantly keep seeing and hearing the bad news, it can affect our own personal lives. We should learn to filter what we see and hear. This is not to say that when tragedy hits, we tune it out. We, as a society, need to know that because of "instant news" with our instant coffee, you could easily spiral down to bad depths of depression.

I advocate that we try to spread more good news to each other, more love, more hope and more understanding. Spreading that each and every day will help us deal with instant news that is tragic. That cup of hope, love and understanding that we have built up will ease the pain of the inevitable tragedy that we will see and hear in our instant news.


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My Universe

The first part of 2012 has been rife with challenges, heartbreak and lessons in life. All the while, the universe has been blessing me with abundance. This is not in the form of material things but actions taken by people on my behalf.

I got a text message from a friend of mine who was let go at my company. She and I were setting up a time to meet for drinks. I suggested a week later and she said that's too long. She wanted to meet sooner. I felt good hearing that!!

Recently on Twitter a couple of followers offered to help me in my acting endeavors. They didn't have to but they did. It is simple stuff like that means my universe is working for me not against me.

I talked to my mom on her birthday. We are not close. She didn't get the kids in a very hotly contested divorce way back when. Long story. I didn't grow up with her after the age of 8, thus we are not emotionally close. Regardless, we talk from time to time and we connect on my acting career. We talked for a long time about the business, what I deal with and that kind of stuff. I may never connect with my mom emotionally as too much stuff has happened, but it's great to connect with her on this facet of my life. For that I'm grateful and the universe is again smiling upon me.

Yes, I'm back in therapy and yes I'm learning better ways of coping with life's daily stresses. Unlike most guys, I'm introspective, trying to learn about myself. I've always said, the day I stop learning is the day I take my dirt nap. I've got so much to learn about life. I'm not perfect. Far from it.

However, given my circumstances, I could easily have chosen to be morbid and anti-social. I am not. People are our greatest commodity. Collectively we can achieve great things. I know this and believe it. My universe has been showing me that lately and for that I'm grateful.

As you can see the universe is being good to me and I'm ready to accept it. Put your hopes and dreams out there, take action and you will receive.


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My own best Friend

Every day I work at being the best friend to myself that I can be. It is hard as I tend to externalize myself by helping others. The premise is that I should ensure that I am the best friend to myself. My self-esteem is the best it can be because of myself, not because of external forces. It's a tough challenge to be sure. However, I HAVE to do it for me to be healthy emotionally.

It boils down to this. Being your best friend means, nobody can make you feel better about yourself than you. Anytime you meet anyone, whether it's dating, friendships, lovers, or spouses, you have set that bar for yourself. You know you are protected. You know you are NOT alone.

This is a work in progress and hard for me. However, for my survival and for me to achieve my dreams this is essential. There is no way around it. I have to draw that line in the sand and do this. Wish me luck.


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Layers

Everyone has layers.  The first layer we see is their outer beauty, what they look like.  We see people in the mall, at the gas station and we judge by that layer.  We have heard no spoken words yet, we just have that first layer in which to go by.  Sadly, ignorant people stay at that first layer.

We then talk to the person and yet another layer is revealed.  We see their body language, the words they choose, what they talk about and how they talk about it.
Should we have an extended conversation with this person, more layers are revealed.  A personal life layer, or a family life layer, a work layer, or a hobby layer.

Should we be lucky enough, the person will reveal those layers willingly and freely.  Should you be open enough to reveal those layers to them.  Somewhere in the Christian bible it says "he who lives in a glass house shall cast the first stone".  They who live in a glass house choose to let people see their layers to the core.

It is a work in progress to be that open with your spouse or significant other, but those around you, your friends and co-workers.

I have many layers that helped shape who I am from my childhood to the choices I made as an adult in my career and personal life.  All those layers shape the man I have become.  I am far from perfect, but I am learning how to reveal those layers, so I learn to trust people and I learn that these layers are just a piece of cloth that help shape the whole picture.

It is a work in progress.  Trust that those layers are there to help you not hurt  you.  I'm working towards that end and so should you.